Yes this is a repo , but man if you have not seen this. . . .
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Techno Viking
With subtitles:
http://my.break.com/content/view.aspx?ContentID=380155
LMFAO!!
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Hermskii
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Chuck Norris
When Chuck Norris dances, TechnoViking and mobile homes get destroyed. Chuck's dance name is Tornado but don't ever tell him that unless you want to see one right then. When Chuck jumps into a lake he doesn't get wet. The lake gets Chuck!
In fact:
Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.
Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72... and they're all poisonous.
When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.
The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.
Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
Someone once videotaped Chuck Norris getting pissed off. It was called Walker: Texas Chain Saw Massacre.
If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"
Chuck Norris has two speeds: Walk and Kill.
Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.
Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris.
In the Bible, Jesus turned water into wine. But then Chuck Norris turned that wine into beer.
Chuck Norris can hit you so hard that he can actually alter your DNA. Decades from now your descendants will occasionally clutch their heads and yell "What the Hell was that?"
Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.
When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket
Chuck Norris sheds his skin twice a year
Some people like to eat frogs' legs. Chuck Norris likes to eat lizard legs. Hence, snakes
A Chuck Norris-delivered Roundhouse Kick is the preferred method of execution in 16 states.
When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris
Scientists have estimated that the energy given off during the Big Bang is roughly equal to 1CNRHK (Chuck Norris Round-House Kick)
Chuck Norris’ house has no doors, only walls that he walks through.
How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? ...All of it.
Chuck Norris doesn't actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear
In honor of Chuck Norris, all McDonald's in Texas have an even larger size than the super-size. When ordering, just ask to be Chucksized.
Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.
If tapped, a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick could power the country of Australia for 44 minutes.
Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.
A picture is worth a thousand words. A Chuck Norris is worth 1 billion words.
Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.
When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.
While urinating, Chuck Norris is easily capable of welding titanium.
When Steven Seagal kills a ninja, he only takes its hide. When Chuck Norris kills a ninja, he uses every part.
For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Chuck Norris, each testicle is larger than the other one.
Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO
Nobody doesn't like Sara Lee. Except Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.
Archeologists unearthed an old English dictionary dating back to the year 1236. It defined "victim" as "one who has encountered Chuck Norris"
Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
Chuck Norris and Mr. T walked into a bar. The bar was instantly destroyed, as that level of awesome cannot be contained in one building.
If you Google search "Chuck Norris getting his ass kicked" you will generate zero results. It just doesn't happen.
Chuck Norris can drink an entire gallon of milk in thirty-seven seconds.
Little known medical fact: Chuck Norris invented the Caesarean section when he roundhouse-kicked his way out of his mother's womb.
Chuck Norris doesn't bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint.
The show Survivor had the original premise of putting people on an island with Chuck Norris. There were no survivors, and nobody is brave enough to go to the island to retrieve the footage.
It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
You know how they say if you die in your dream then you will die in real life? In actuality, if you dream of death then Chuck Norris will find you and kill you.
Chuck Norris has a deep and abiding respect for human life... unless it gets in his way.
The Bermuda Triangle used to be the Bermuda Square, until Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked one of the corners off.
There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Chuck Norris lives in Oklahoma.
When Chuck Norris is in a crowded area, he doesn't walk around people. He walks through them.
Chuck Norris once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.
James Cameron wanted Chuck Norris to play the Terminator. However, upon reflection, he realized that would have turned his movie into a documentary, so he went with Arnold Schwarzenegger.
Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.
Thousands of years ago Chuck Norris came across a bear. It was so terrified that it fled north into the arctic. It was also so terrified that all of its descendents now have white hair.
Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
It takes 14 puppeteers to make Chuck Norris smile, but only 2 to make him destroy an orphanage.
Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.
Simply by pulling on both ends, Chuck Norris can stretch diamonds back into coal.
When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up; he's pushing the Earth down.
Chuck Norris keeps his friends close and his enemies closer. Close enough to drop them with one round house kick to the face.
There is in fact an “I” in Norris, but there is no “team”… not even close.
Chuck Norris doesn't stub his toes. He accidentally destroys chairs, bed frames, and sidewalks.
Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks don't really kill people. They wipe out their entire existence from the space-time continuum.
Chuck Norris does not own a stove, oven, or microwave, because revenge is a dish best served cold.
Tom Clancy has to pay royalties to Chuck Norris because "The Sum of All Fears" is the name of Chuck Norris' autobiography.
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
Chuck Norris built a better mousetrap, but the world was too frightened to beat a path to his door.
If, by some incredible space-time paradox, Chuck Norris would ever fight himself, he'd win. Period.
Chuck Norris is currently suing myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.
The crossing lights in Chuck Norris's home town say "Die slowly" and "die quickly". They each have a picture of Chuck Norris punching or kicking a pedestrian.
Chuck Norris proved that we are alone in the universe. We weren't before his first space expedition.
Chuck Norris did in fact, build Rome in a day.
Along with his black belt, Chuck Norris often chooses to wear brown shoes. No one has DARED call him on it. Ever.
Ninjas want to grow up to be just like Chuck Norris. But usually they grow up just to be killed by Chuck Norris.
The last thing you hear before Chuck Norris gives you a roundhouse kick? No one knows because dead men tell no tales.
Chuck Norris is the only person in the world that can actually email a roundhouse kick.
Chuck Norris cannot love, he can only not kill.
If at first you don't succeed, you're not Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris's show is called Walker: Texas Ranger, because Chuck Norris doesn't run.
Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead man, there is Chuck Norris.
What’s known as the UFC, or Ultimate Fighting Championship, doesn’t use its full name, which happens to be “Ultimate Fighting Championship, Non-Chuck-Norris-Division”.
Chuck Norris brushes his teeth with a mixture of iron shavings, industrial paint remover, and wood-grain alcohol.
Chuck Norris wears a live rattlesnake as a condom
Do you know why Baskin Robbins only has 31 flavors? Because Chuck Norris doesn't like Fudge Ripple
Google won't search for Chuck Norris because it knows you don't find Chuck Norris, he finds you.
Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
It is believed dinosaurs are extinct due to a giant meteor. That's true if you want to call Chuck Norris a giant meteor
Chuck Norris shot the sheriff, but he round house kicked the deputy.
Chuck Norris can judge a book by its cover.
Nothing can escape the gravity of a black hole, except for Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris eats black holes. They taste like chicken.
Q: How many Chuck Norris' does it take to change a light bulb? A: None, Chuck Norris prefers to kill in the dark.
Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born; roundhouse-kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.
Crime does not pay - unless you are an undertaker following Walker, Texas Ranger, on a routine patrol.
Chuck Norris does not own a house. He walks into random houses and people move.
It is better to give than to receive. This is especially true of a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.
Chuck Norris is the only person to ever win a staring contest against Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder at the same time.
Chuck Norris smells what the Rock is cooking... because the Rock is Chuck Norris' personal chef.
Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
"Brokeback Mountain" is not just a movie. It's also what Chuck Norris calls the pile of dead ninjas in his front yard.
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
Chuck Norris uses a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.
Before each filming of Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris is injected with fourteen times the lethal dose of elephant tranquilizer. This is, of course, to limit his strength and mobility, in an attempt to lower the fatality rate of the actors he fights.
When Bruce Banner gets mad, he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad, he turns into Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris kills anyone that asks, "You want fries with that" because by now everyone should know that Chuck doesn't ever want fries with anything. Ever.
Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its descendants are known today as Giraffes.
Human cloning is outlawed because if Chuck Norris were cloned, then it would be possible for a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick to meet another chuck Norris roundhouse kick. Physicists theorize that this contact would end the universe.
In a fight between Batman and Darth Vader, the winner would be Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris puts his pants on one leg at a time, just like the rest of us. The only difference is, then he kills people.
Everybody loves Raymond. Except Chuck Norris.
The original title for Alien vs. Predator was Alien and Predator vs. Chuck Norris. The film was cancelled shortly after going into preproduction. No one would pay nine dollars to see a movie fourteen seconds long.
Chuck Norris can win at solitaire with only 18 cards.
Chuck Norris once shat blood - the blood of 11,940 natives he had killed and eaten.
The truth will set you free. Unless Chuck Norris has you, in which case, forget it buddy!
For most people, home is where the heart is. For Chuck Norris, home is where he stores his collection of human skulls.
Kryptonite has been found to contain trace elements of Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks to the face. This is why it is so deadly to Superman.
Coroners refer to dead people as "ABC's". Already Been Chucked.
How many roundhouse kicks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop? Just one. From Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch; HE decides what time it is.
The phrase 'break a leg' was originally coined by Chuck Norris's co-stars in Walker, Texas Ranger as a good luck charm, indicating that a broken leg might be the worst extent of their injuries. This never proved to be the case.
When chuck Norris does division, there are no remainders.
The original title for Star Wars was "Skywalker: Texas Ranger". Starring Chuck Norris.
The phrase 'balls to the wall' was originally conceived to describe Chuck Norris entering any building smaller than an aircraft hangar.
Chuck Norris’ roundhouse kick is so powerful; it can be seen from outer space by the naked eye.
The phrase 'dead ringer' refers to someone who sits behind Chuck Norris in a movie theater and forgets to turn their cell phone off.
Staring at Chuck Norris for extended periods of time without proper eye protection will cause blindness, and possibly foot sized bruises on the face.
Chuck Norris does not kick ass and take names. In fact, Chuck Norris kicks ass and assigns the corpse a number. It is currently recorded to be in the billions.
One time, Chuck Norris accidentally stubbed his toe. It destroyed the entire state of Ohio.
Chuck Norris does, in fact, live in a round house.
When Chuck Norris works out on the Total Gym, the Total Gym feels like it's been raped.
The only sure things are Death and Taxes…and when Chuck Norris goes to work for the IRS, they'll be the same thing.
Chuck Norris' first job was as a paperboy. There were no survivors.
With the rising cost of gasoline, Chuck Norris is beginning to worry about his drinking habit.
The square root of Chuck Norris is pain. Do not try to square Chuck Norris, the result is death.
To be or not to be? That is the question. The answer? Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris has never been in a fight, ever. Do you call one roundhouse kick to the face a fight?
There are two types of people in the world... people that suck, and Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris never wet his bed as a child. The bed wet itself out of fear.
If you were somehow able to land a punch on Chuck Norris your entire arm would shatter upon impact. This is only in theory, since, come on, who in their right mind would try this?
Chuck Norris uses 8'x10' sheets of plywood as toilet paper.
Page 6
Chuck Norris eats steak for every single meal. Most times he forgets to kill the cow
It is said that looking into Chuck Norris' eyes will reveal your future. Unfortunately, everybody's future is always the same: death by a roundhouse-kick to the face.
Chuck Norris knows everything there is to know - Except for the definition of mercy
Paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, but Chuck Norris beats all 3 at the same time
If you're driving down the road and you think Chuck Norris just cut you off, you better thank your lucky stars it wasn't the other way around.
July 4th is Independence Day. And the day Chuck Norris was born. Coincidence? I think not
Chuck Norris never goes to the dentist because his teeth are unbreakable. His enemies never go to the dentist because they have no teeth.
In the medical community, death is referred to as "Chuck Norris Disease"
Chuck Norris was once in a knife fight, and the knife lost.
If you work in an office with Chuck Norris, don't ask him for his three-hole-punch.
Most people fear the Reaper. Chuck Norris considers him "a promising Rookie".
There are only two things that can cut diamonds: other diamonds, and Chuck Norris.
President Roosevelt once rode his horse 100 miles. Chuck Norris carried his the same distance in half the time.
Think of a hot woman. Chuck Norris did her.
A man once claimed Chuck Norris kicked his ass twice, but it was promptly dismissed as false - no one could survive it the first time.
Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.
Chuck Norris doesn't see dead people. He makes people dead
We live in an expanding universe. All of it is trying to get away from Chuck Norris.
Page 7
Chuck Norris has never won an Academy Award for acting... because he's not acting.
If Chuck Norris wants your opinion, he'll beat it into you
Godzilla is a Japanese rendition of Chuck Norris' first visit to Tokyo.
They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but there was a problem-- It wouldn't take "Expletive Deleted" from anybody.
Chuck Norris once rode a nine foot grizzly bear through an automatic car wash, instead of taking a shower.
Chuck Norris doesn't daydream. He's too busy giving other people nightmares.
When Arnold says the line "I'll be back" in the first Terminator movie it is implied that is he going to ask Chuck Norris for help.
There are no such things as tornados. Chuck Norris just hates trailer parks
Chuck Norris does not follow fashion trends, they follow him. But then he turns around and kicks their ass. Nobody follows Chuck Norris.
The phrase 'break a leg' was originally coined by Chuck Norris's co-stars in Walker, Texas Ranger as a good luck charm indicating that a broken leg might be the worst extent of their injuries. This never proved to be the case.
Chuck Norris’ roundhouse kick is so powerful; it can be seen from outer space by the naked eye.
Chuck Norris once participated in the running of the bulls. He walked
Chuck Norris once rode a bull, and nine months later it had a calf.
Chuck Norris once lost the remote, but maintained control of the TV by yelling at it in between bites of his "Filet of Child" sandwich
Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him.
Only Chuck Norris can prevent forest fires.
They say curiosity killed the cat. This is false. Chuck Norris killed the cat. Every single one of them.
There is no such thing as a lesbian, just a woman who has never met Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris crossed the road. No one has ever dared question his motives.
When Chuck Norris was born, he immediately had sex with the first nurse he saw. He was her first. She was his third. That afternoon.
One time, at band camp, Chuck Norris ate a percussionist.
Chuck Norris doesn't say "who's your daddy", because he knows the answer.
Love does not hurt. Chuck Norris does.
Chuck Norris once round-house kicked a salesman. Over the phone.
The pen is mightier than the sword, but only if the pen is held by Chuck Norris.
Page 8
Chuck Norris knows the last digit of pi.
When Chuck Norris wants an egg, he cracks open a chicken
Count from one to ten. That's how long it would take Chuck Norris to kill you...Forty seven times.
Mr. T pities the fool. Chuck Norris rips the fool's head off.
Brokeback Mountain" is not just a movie. It's also what Chuck Norris calls the pile of dead ninjas in his front yard.
Chuck Norris does not wear a condom. Because there is no such thing as protection from Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris is the only man who has, literally, beaten the odds. With his fists.
Chuck Norris likes his ice like he likes his skulls: crushed
Chuck Norris' pulse is measured on the Richter scale.
Most people know that Descartes said, "I think, therefore I am." What most people don't know is that that quote continues, "...afraid of Chuck Norris
Kenny G is allowed to live because Chuck Norris doesn't kill women
For Chuck Norris, every street is "one way". HIS WAY.
There are now five cup sizes at Starbucks: Short, Tall, Grande, Venti, and Chuck Norris.
The best part of waking up, is not Folgers in your cup, but knowing that Chuck Norris didn't kill you in your sleep
Chuck Norris needs a monkey wrench and a blowtorch to masturbate
If a tree falls in the forest, does anybody hear? Yes. Chuck Norris hears it. Chuck Norris can hear everything. Chuck Norris can hear the shrieking terror in your soul.
He, who laughs last, laughs best. He who laughs at Chuck Norris … dies.
Chuck Norris is like a dog, not only because he can smell fear, but because he can piss on whatever he wants.
Page 9
When Chuck Norris was born, the only person who cried was the doctor. Never slap Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open
Chuck Norris has to use a stunt double when he does crying scenes.
Chuck Norris stared evil in the face, and it backed down
You can lead a horse to water but cannot make him drink, unless you’re Chuck Norris
No matter what your mother always said, Chuck Norris can tune a fish.
Chuck Norris is '' The best a man can get ''
Chuck Norris can hold his breathe for nine years.
Chuck Norris can cook minute rice in 30 seconds.
Chuck Norris can watch an episode of 60 minutes in 22 seconds.
Chuck Norris makes onions CRY!!!
Chuck Norris can chug a gallon of milk and not throw up.
Chuck Norris beat the Sun in a staring contest.
If you get roundhouse kicked in the face by Chuck Norris in your dream, you DIE!
Chuck Norris can have his cake AND eat it too.
Chuck Norris was born in a log cabin that he built with his bare hands
Chuck Norris CAN lick his elbow.
Chuck Norris puts the FUN in Funeral
Chuck Norris has never had a surprise birthday party. He can NEVER be surprised. EVER.
Chuck Norris does not love Raymond.
Chuck Norris can kick start a car.
Bigfoot takes pictures of Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can MAKE water run uphill.
Chuck Norris once played Russian roulette with a fully load gun and won.
The only reason the color pink still exists is because Chuck Norris is color blind
Chuck Norris' smile once brought a puppy back to life.
The agent of Chuck Norris asked Chuck if he wanted to be in Brokeback Mountain. Chuck Norris' agent has been missing for almost 2 years now. Never ask Chuck Norris to be in a gay cowboy movie
When Chuck Norris crosses the street, the cars have to look both ways.
Chuck Norris won a pissing contest against a Russian race horse.
When Chuck Norris throws a boomerang, the boomerang does not return because it is scared to come back.
Chuck Norris floats like a butterfly and stings like a tomahawk missile. At mach 3. In the face.
Chuck Norris can dribble a football.
Chuck Norris’ IQ can be expressed simply as a sideways eight
Chuck Norris was once asked to repeat himself. The last thing that person ever heard was the whooshing sound of a roundhouse kick.
Chuck Norris can clap with one hand.
In short, TechnoViking has nothing on Chuck Norris.
In fact:
Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.
Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72... and they're all poisonous.
When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.
The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.
Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
Someone once videotaped Chuck Norris getting pissed off. It was called Walker: Texas Chain Saw Massacre.
If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"
Chuck Norris has two speeds: Walk and Kill.
Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.
Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris.
In the Bible, Jesus turned water into wine. But then Chuck Norris turned that wine into beer.
Chuck Norris can hit you so hard that he can actually alter your DNA. Decades from now your descendants will occasionally clutch their heads and yell "What the Hell was that?"
Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.
When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket
Chuck Norris sheds his skin twice a year
Some people like to eat frogs' legs. Chuck Norris likes to eat lizard legs. Hence, snakes
A Chuck Norris-delivered Roundhouse Kick is the preferred method of execution in 16 states.
When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris
Scientists have estimated that the energy given off during the Big Bang is roughly equal to 1CNRHK (Chuck Norris Round-House Kick)
Chuck Norris’ house has no doors, only walls that he walks through.
How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? ...All of it.
Chuck Norris doesn't actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear
In honor of Chuck Norris, all McDonald's in Texas have an even larger size than the super-size. When ordering, just ask to be Chucksized.
Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.
If tapped, a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick could power the country of Australia for 44 minutes.
Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.
A picture is worth a thousand words. A Chuck Norris is worth 1 billion words.
Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.
When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.
While urinating, Chuck Norris is easily capable of welding titanium.
When Steven Seagal kills a ninja, he only takes its hide. When Chuck Norris kills a ninja, he uses every part.
For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Chuck Norris, each testicle is larger than the other one.
Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO
Nobody doesn't like Sara Lee. Except Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.
Archeologists unearthed an old English dictionary dating back to the year 1236. It defined "victim" as "one who has encountered Chuck Norris"
Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
Chuck Norris and Mr. T walked into a bar. The bar was instantly destroyed, as that level of awesome cannot be contained in one building.
If you Google search "Chuck Norris getting his ass kicked" you will generate zero results. It just doesn't happen.
Chuck Norris can drink an entire gallon of milk in thirty-seven seconds.
Little known medical fact: Chuck Norris invented the Caesarean section when he roundhouse-kicked his way out of his mother's womb.
Chuck Norris doesn't bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint.
The show Survivor had the original premise of putting people on an island with Chuck Norris. There were no survivors, and nobody is brave enough to go to the island to retrieve the footage.
It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
You know how they say if you die in your dream then you will die in real life? In actuality, if you dream of death then Chuck Norris will find you and kill you.
Chuck Norris has a deep and abiding respect for human life... unless it gets in his way.
The Bermuda Triangle used to be the Bermuda Square, until Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked one of the corners off.
There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Chuck Norris lives in Oklahoma.
When Chuck Norris is in a crowded area, he doesn't walk around people. He walks through them.
Chuck Norris once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.
James Cameron wanted Chuck Norris to play the Terminator. However, upon reflection, he realized that would have turned his movie into a documentary, so he went with Arnold Schwarzenegger.
Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.
Thousands of years ago Chuck Norris came across a bear. It was so terrified that it fled north into the arctic. It was also so terrified that all of its descendents now have white hair.
Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
It takes 14 puppeteers to make Chuck Norris smile, but only 2 to make him destroy an orphanage.
Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.
Simply by pulling on both ends, Chuck Norris can stretch diamonds back into coal.
When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up; he's pushing the Earth down.
Chuck Norris keeps his friends close and his enemies closer. Close enough to drop them with one round house kick to the face.
There is in fact an “I” in Norris, but there is no “team”… not even close.
Chuck Norris doesn't stub his toes. He accidentally destroys chairs, bed frames, and sidewalks.
Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks don't really kill people. They wipe out their entire existence from the space-time continuum.
Chuck Norris does not own a stove, oven, or microwave, because revenge is a dish best served cold.
Tom Clancy has to pay royalties to Chuck Norris because "The Sum of All Fears" is the name of Chuck Norris' autobiography.
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
Chuck Norris built a better mousetrap, but the world was too frightened to beat a path to his door.
If, by some incredible space-time paradox, Chuck Norris would ever fight himself, he'd win. Period.
Chuck Norris is currently suing myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.
The crossing lights in Chuck Norris's home town say "Die slowly" and "die quickly". They each have a picture of Chuck Norris punching or kicking a pedestrian.
Chuck Norris proved that we are alone in the universe. We weren't before his first space expedition.
Chuck Norris did in fact, build Rome in a day.
Along with his black belt, Chuck Norris often chooses to wear brown shoes. No one has DARED call him on it. Ever.
Ninjas want to grow up to be just like Chuck Norris. But usually they grow up just to be killed by Chuck Norris.
The last thing you hear before Chuck Norris gives you a roundhouse kick? No one knows because dead men tell no tales.
Chuck Norris is the only person in the world that can actually email a roundhouse kick.
Chuck Norris cannot love, he can only not kill.
If at first you don't succeed, you're not Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris's show is called Walker: Texas Ranger, because Chuck Norris doesn't run.
Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead man, there is Chuck Norris.
What’s known as the UFC, or Ultimate Fighting Championship, doesn’t use its full name, which happens to be “Ultimate Fighting Championship, Non-Chuck-Norris-Division”.
Chuck Norris brushes his teeth with a mixture of iron shavings, industrial paint remover, and wood-grain alcohol.
Chuck Norris wears a live rattlesnake as a condom
Do you know why Baskin Robbins only has 31 flavors? Because Chuck Norris doesn't like Fudge Ripple
Google won't search for Chuck Norris because it knows you don't find Chuck Norris, he finds you.
Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
It is believed dinosaurs are extinct due to a giant meteor. That's true if you want to call Chuck Norris a giant meteor
Chuck Norris shot the sheriff, but he round house kicked the deputy.
Chuck Norris can judge a book by its cover.
Nothing can escape the gravity of a black hole, except for Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris eats black holes. They taste like chicken.
Q: How many Chuck Norris' does it take to change a light bulb? A: None, Chuck Norris prefers to kill in the dark.
Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born; roundhouse-kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.
Crime does not pay - unless you are an undertaker following Walker, Texas Ranger, on a routine patrol.
Chuck Norris does not own a house. He walks into random houses and people move.
It is better to give than to receive. This is especially true of a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.
Chuck Norris is the only person to ever win a staring contest against Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder at the same time.
Chuck Norris smells what the Rock is cooking... because the Rock is Chuck Norris' personal chef.
Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
"Brokeback Mountain" is not just a movie. It's also what Chuck Norris calls the pile of dead ninjas in his front yard.
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
Chuck Norris uses a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.
Before each filming of Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris is injected with fourteen times the lethal dose of elephant tranquilizer. This is, of course, to limit his strength and mobility, in an attempt to lower the fatality rate of the actors he fights.
When Bruce Banner gets mad, he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad, he turns into Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris kills anyone that asks, "You want fries with that" because by now everyone should know that Chuck doesn't ever want fries with anything. Ever.
Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its descendants are known today as Giraffes.
Human cloning is outlawed because if Chuck Norris were cloned, then it would be possible for a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick to meet another chuck Norris roundhouse kick. Physicists theorize that this contact would end the universe.
In a fight between Batman and Darth Vader, the winner would be Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris puts his pants on one leg at a time, just like the rest of us. The only difference is, then he kills people.
Everybody loves Raymond. Except Chuck Norris.
The original title for Alien vs. Predator was Alien and Predator vs. Chuck Norris. The film was cancelled shortly after going into preproduction. No one would pay nine dollars to see a movie fourteen seconds long.
Chuck Norris can win at solitaire with only 18 cards.
Chuck Norris once shat blood - the blood of 11,940 natives he had killed and eaten.
The truth will set you free. Unless Chuck Norris has you, in which case, forget it buddy!
For most people, home is where the heart is. For Chuck Norris, home is where he stores his collection of human skulls.
Kryptonite has been found to contain trace elements of Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks to the face. This is why it is so deadly to Superman.
Coroners refer to dead people as "ABC's". Already Been Chucked.
How many roundhouse kicks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop? Just one. From Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch; HE decides what time it is.
The phrase 'break a leg' was originally coined by Chuck Norris's co-stars in Walker, Texas Ranger as a good luck charm, indicating that a broken leg might be the worst extent of their injuries. This never proved to be the case.
When chuck Norris does division, there are no remainders.
The original title for Star Wars was "Skywalker: Texas Ranger". Starring Chuck Norris.
The phrase 'balls to the wall' was originally conceived to describe Chuck Norris entering any building smaller than an aircraft hangar.
Chuck Norris’ roundhouse kick is so powerful; it can be seen from outer space by the naked eye.
The phrase 'dead ringer' refers to someone who sits behind Chuck Norris in a movie theater and forgets to turn their cell phone off.
Staring at Chuck Norris for extended periods of time without proper eye protection will cause blindness, and possibly foot sized bruises on the face.
Chuck Norris does not kick ass and take names. In fact, Chuck Norris kicks ass and assigns the corpse a number. It is currently recorded to be in the billions.
One time, Chuck Norris accidentally stubbed his toe. It destroyed the entire state of Ohio.
Chuck Norris does, in fact, live in a round house.
When Chuck Norris works out on the Total Gym, the Total Gym feels like it's been raped.
The only sure things are Death and Taxes…and when Chuck Norris goes to work for the IRS, they'll be the same thing.
Chuck Norris' first job was as a paperboy. There were no survivors.
With the rising cost of gasoline, Chuck Norris is beginning to worry about his drinking habit.
The square root of Chuck Norris is pain. Do not try to square Chuck Norris, the result is death.
To be or not to be? That is the question. The answer? Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris has never been in a fight, ever. Do you call one roundhouse kick to the face a fight?
There are two types of people in the world... people that suck, and Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris never wet his bed as a child. The bed wet itself out of fear.
If you were somehow able to land a punch on Chuck Norris your entire arm would shatter upon impact. This is only in theory, since, come on, who in their right mind would try this?
Chuck Norris uses 8'x10' sheets of plywood as toilet paper.
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Chuck Norris eats steak for every single meal. Most times he forgets to kill the cow
It is said that looking into Chuck Norris' eyes will reveal your future. Unfortunately, everybody's future is always the same: death by a roundhouse-kick to the face.
Chuck Norris knows everything there is to know - Except for the definition of mercy
Paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, but Chuck Norris beats all 3 at the same time
If you're driving down the road and you think Chuck Norris just cut you off, you better thank your lucky stars it wasn't the other way around.
July 4th is Independence Day. And the day Chuck Norris was born. Coincidence? I think not
Chuck Norris never goes to the dentist because his teeth are unbreakable. His enemies never go to the dentist because they have no teeth.
In the medical community, death is referred to as "Chuck Norris Disease"
Chuck Norris was once in a knife fight, and the knife lost.
If you work in an office with Chuck Norris, don't ask him for his three-hole-punch.
Most people fear the Reaper. Chuck Norris considers him "a promising Rookie".
There are only two things that can cut diamonds: other diamonds, and Chuck Norris.
President Roosevelt once rode his horse 100 miles. Chuck Norris carried his the same distance in half the time.
Think of a hot woman. Chuck Norris did her.
A man once claimed Chuck Norris kicked his ass twice, but it was promptly dismissed as false - no one could survive it the first time.
Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.
Chuck Norris doesn't see dead people. He makes people dead
We live in an expanding universe. All of it is trying to get away from Chuck Norris.
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Chuck Norris has never won an Academy Award for acting... because he's not acting.
If Chuck Norris wants your opinion, he'll beat it into you
Godzilla is a Japanese rendition of Chuck Norris' first visit to Tokyo.
They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but there was a problem-- It wouldn't take "Expletive Deleted" from anybody.
Chuck Norris once rode a nine foot grizzly bear through an automatic car wash, instead of taking a shower.
Chuck Norris doesn't daydream. He's too busy giving other people nightmares.
When Arnold says the line "I'll be back" in the first Terminator movie it is implied that is he going to ask Chuck Norris for help.
There are no such things as tornados. Chuck Norris just hates trailer parks
Chuck Norris does not follow fashion trends, they follow him. But then he turns around and kicks their ass. Nobody follows Chuck Norris.
The phrase 'break a leg' was originally coined by Chuck Norris's co-stars in Walker, Texas Ranger as a good luck charm indicating that a broken leg might be the worst extent of their injuries. This never proved to be the case.
Chuck Norris’ roundhouse kick is so powerful; it can be seen from outer space by the naked eye.
Chuck Norris once participated in the running of the bulls. He walked
Chuck Norris once rode a bull, and nine months later it had a calf.
Chuck Norris once lost the remote, but maintained control of the TV by yelling at it in between bites of his "Filet of Child" sandwich
Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him.
Only Chuck Norris can prevent forest fires.
They say curiosity killed the cat. This is false. Chuck Norris killed the cat. Every single one of them.
There is no such thing as a lesbian, just a woman who has never met Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris crossed the road. No one has ever dared question his motives.
When Chuck Norris was born, he immediately had sex with the first nurse he saw. He was her first. She was his third. That afternoon.
One time, at band camp, Chuck Norris ate a percussionist.
Chuck Norris doesn't say "who's your daddy", because he knows the answer.
Love does not hurt. Chuck Norris does.
Chuck Norris once round-house kicked a salesman. Over the phone.
The pen is mightier than the sword, but only if the pen is held by Chuck Norris.
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Chuck Norris knows the last digit of pi.
When Chuck Norris wants an egg, he cracks open a chicken
Count from one to ten. That's how long it would take Chuck Norris to kill you...Forty seven times.
Mr. T pities the fool. Chuck Norris rips the fool's head off.
Brokeback Mountain" is not just a movie. It's also what Chuck Norris calls the pile of dead ninjas in his front yard.
Chuck Norris does not wear a condom. Because there is no such thing as protection from Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris is the only man who has, literally, beaten the odds. With his fists.
Chuck Norris likes his ice like he likes his skulls: crushed
Chuck Norris' pulse is measured on the Richter scale.
Most people know that Descartes said, "I think, therefore I am." What most people don't know is that that quote continues, "...afraid of Chuck Norris
Kenny G is allowed to live because Chuck Norris doesn't kill women
For Chuck Norris, every street is "one way". HIS WAY.
There are now five cup sizes at Starbucks: Short, Tall, Grande, Venti, and Chuck Norris.
The best part of waking up, is not Folgers in your cup, but knowing that Chuck Norris didn't kill you in your sleep
Chuck Norris needs a monkey wrench and a blowtorch to masturbate
If a tree falls in the forest, does anybody hear? Yes. Chuck Norris hears it. Chuck Norris can hear everything. Chuck Norris can hear the shrieking terror in your soul.
He, who laughs last, laughs best. He who laughs at Chuck Norris … dies.
Chuck Norris is like a dog, not only because he can smell fear, but because he can piss on whatever he wants.
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When Chuck Norris was born, the only person who cried was the doctor. Never slap Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open
Chuck Norris has to use a stunt double when he does crying scenes.
Chuck Norris stared evil in the face, and it backed down
You can lead a horse to water but cannot make him drink, unless you’re Chuck Norris
No matter what your mother always said, Chuck Norris can tune a fish.
Chuck Norris is '' The best a man can get ''
Chuck Norris can hold his breathe for nine years.
Chuck Norris can cook minute rice in 30 seconds.
Chuck Norris can watch an episode of 60 minutes in 22 seconds.
Chuck Norris makes onions CRY!!!
Chuck Norris can chug a gallon of milk and not throw up.
Chuck Norris beat the Sun in a staring contest.
If you get roundhouse kicked in the face by Chuck Norris in your dream, you DIE!
Chuck Norris can have his cake AND eat it too.
Chuck Norris was born in a log cabin that he built with his bare hands
Chuck Norris CAN lick his elbow.
Chuck Norris puts the FUN in Funeral
Chuck Norris has never had a surprise birthday party. He can NEVER be surprised. EVER.
Chuck Norris does not love Raymond.
Chuck Norris can kick start a car.
Bigfoot takes pictures of Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can MAKE water run uphill.
Chuck Norris once played Russian roulette with a fully load gun and won.
The only reason the color pink still exists is because Chuck Norris is color blind
Chuck Norris' smile once brought a puppy back to life.
The agent of Chuck Norris asked Chuck if he wanted to be in Brokeback Mountain. Chuck Norris' agent has been missing for almost 2 years now. Never ask Chuck Norris to be in a gay cowboy movie
When Chuck Norris crosses the street, the cars have to look both ways.
Chuck Norris won a pissing contest against a Russian race horse.
When Chuck Norris throws a boomerang, the boomerang does not return because it is scared to come back.
Chuck Norris floats like a butterfly and stings like a tomahawk missile. At mach 3. In the face.
Chuck Norris can dribble a football.
Chuck Norris’ IQ can be expressed simply as a sideways eight
Chuck Norris was once asked to repeat himself. The last thing that person ever heard was the whooshing sound of a roundhouse kick.
Chuck Norris can clap with one hand.
In short, TechnoViking has nothing on Chuck Norris.
~Peace~
Hermskii
Hermskii
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K
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You want to battle Herm.
Chuck is a bad ass , but Have you read this thread?
http://forums.beyondunreal.com/showthread.php?t=163385&
Chuck is a bad ass , but Have you read this thread?
http://forums.beyondunreal.com/showthread.php?t=163385&
L_S wrote:When Vin Diesel goes to the zoo, monkeys fling poo on themselves.
Cap'n Beeb wrote:Vin Diesel is inside Marcellus Wallace's briefcase.
selimsrm wrote:Vin Diesel once painted the exterior of a house using only babies.
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Hermskii
- Site Admin
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Ummm?
I looked at that Kort and it didn't please me or Chuck that much. Some were good but not as good as Chucks. Have you seen the ones like these that are about that guy on the show 24? I have heard they are similar and there are more about Stephen Segal too. The chuck ones seem to be the ones that start ed it all. Chuck rules.
Did you see how much gets pulled up on the TechnoViking on youtube? 4 pages. Almost all of it the same thing.
Did you see how much gets pulled up on the TechnoViking on youtube? 4 pages. Almost all of it the same thing.
~Peace~
Hermskii
Hermskii
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K
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Hermskii
- Site Admin
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DEAD
"MEAT would already be dead" Chuck told me except that Chuck noticed that there was a question mark at the end of MEAT's statement and Chuck knew that it was not blasphemy. Chuck said it was an interrogative statement though poorly written and not a declarative one. Chuck knows this because Chuck dated 17 English teachers all at the same time in his freshman year of high school. He had to learn this stuff so he'd know the difference between Imperative, Declarative, Interrogative and Exclamatory sentences so that he could finish high school. The only thing all the English teachers he dated ever said to Chuck was an Exclamatory sentence. It was always only 2 words: "Oh God!" repeated over and over.
Jimmy Hoffa was a black belt of 20 years. I heard he once said he thought he could beat Chuck Norris in a fight. Did anybody see that fight?
Jimmy Hoffa was a black belt of 20 years. I heard he once said he thought he could beat Chuck Norris in a fight. Did anybody see that fight?
~Peace~
Hermskii
Hermskii
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MEAT
- Posts: 2525
- Joined: Sat Oct 01, 2005 5:17 pm
Damn.....You had me going there for awhile Herm until I read this:
http://www.fucknorrisfacts.com/page1.php
http://www.fucknorrisfacts.com/page1.php
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Hermskii
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Re: All Hail Techno Viking
Bump
This thread is too good to let get away. Just ignore the parts where MEAT says anything and enjoy.
This thread is too good to let get away. Just ignore the parts where MEAT says anything and enjoy.
~Peace~
Hermskii
Hermskii
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BIOMECH
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Re: All Hail Techno Viking
I have a question? who the **** is this guy?
This "Chuck Norris" guy's name keeps appearing all over the internet and I have no Ffliggin Idea what they're talking about...
This "Chuck Norris" guy's name keeps appearing all over the internet and I have no Ffliggin Idea what they're talking about...
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Hermskii
- Site Admin
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Re: All Hail Techno Viking
He's just some great Amserican who must be related to John Wayne because he is so cool.
~Peace~
Hermskii
Hermskii
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Scify
- Posts: 1003
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Re: All Hail Techno Viking
web site http://www.chucknorris.com/Hermskii wrote:He's just some great Amserican who must be related to John Wayne because he is so cool.
John Wayne way cool cooler.
No Reation to Wayen Herm.Only Actor Patrick John Wayne
" If I had a brain, I'd be dangerous!"
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